Readers still have little idea of the psychological and emotional abuse we suffer at the hands of our cruel master. This entry is my bold coming out with the truth for all the world to hear. Let me simply tell about some of the mean and cutting remarks our master uses on us, over and over.

To Bear, after he has gotten relaxed and gently warmed in front of the heater in the morning. Our master will reach down and start patting Bear on his tummy, and when master feels Bear’s warmth, he will exclaim, “Oh boy! Here’s a hot dog. Where’s the mustard? I’m gonna get me a bun and eat this dog for breakfast!” You can imagine Bear’s stark terror at the prospect of being eaten alive. But master will go on and say, “All right! This dog is cooked. No need for a grill. I’m going for the condiments right now.”

To me, poor Wolf, our cruel master will look meanly at me from across the room and point his finger menacingly and say in a threatening voice, “You’re going down. I’m going to get that dog.” Then he will come over to me and when I roll over in submission, he will say, “I’m going to cut the gizzard out of this dog and eat it raw.” You can imagine our uneasiness living with such threats, especially coming from a man who doesn’t even know that dogs don’t have gizzards.

I might have already told you about cruel master’s fake compliments, such as his favorite: “You dogs are good dogs, ” he will say enthusiastically, and then add, “until you wake up. After that, it’s nonstop iniquity.” This comment has lost all of its freshness, but it still cuts to the bone.

Then, at the slightest provocation, such as a not-so-accurate processed dog food drop, he will rage and scream and demand, “Can you say ‘taxidermy’ Mr. Dog? That’s what’s going to happen to you!” It’s a wonder we can sleep 14 or 18 hours a day. In fact, I’ve worked myself into an anxiety attack just retailing these anecdotes. But the truth will out. Before this, no one knew the dark secrets that take place behind the closed doors of this terror house. But now you know! Chihuahuas of the world, unite!